_* its hard *_
- Friday, February 17, 2006 / 1:47 pm.
never before have i felt so down, so unsercured and feeling so uncertained of what is gonna happen. everything looks so bleak now and i don't have anyone to rely on but myself. I can't help but feel like i have to be the one to compromised the most. its gonna be expensive if i carry on to compromise, i know it will be, if this is the case, shd i pull out and look for a place on my own? I really don't know.
Yest was nothing i have ever experienced before. searching the whole day without any outcome. everything felt so horrid. i don't know what to do. shd i be selfish? experience living with others i don't know. will that be a good way of growing up. shd i be that adventurous. I'm worried. of being alone, i know i'll go berserk like i did last sem. i'm worried bout sinking into depression. This wasn't what i expected. I never thought i wld come to a pt of crying, like i cried myself to sleep last nite. Things for me felt so bad that i cried while talking to mom yest, and i'm tearing right now.
I know gg thru this will make me a stronger person, but now, i don't think i can handle it. this has broken down my wall, i'm not as strong as i tot i was. thinking positive doesn't work always. i'm turning into a pessimistic person. I don't wanna feel sorry for myself. Its time to make a decision i hope i won't regret. This is the defining moment of my semester.