Busy Ol' Me.

Yupz. I'm back on home ground. And have been since 9pm on 21st Jun '06. Ever since then, it has been a blurry business of moving from one place to another, meeting friends, being here being there, doing this doing that. I almost miss the exhilaration of my life here. Yes, i miss my life here. It is soOo good, its like an aphrodisiac. Haa. All, cutting off all the bullshit. I finally have time to sit down and write down everything i've missed out over the passed couple of weeks.

Now, its backflash time. Back to AussieLand doings.

All the little meetups and doings


4th June 06
The day we celebrated the end of assignments. I like. Having the girls i've been ard for the past 4mths of my uni life in 1 place was good enough and the food being good, is just an additional bonus. I shall miss them all. Sooo dearly, cuz i'm the only one stuck there for the next sem.


8th June 06
I recieved this. Love it!


And the bday cake, was a icing on top of the day!


17th June 06
A mini celeb gathering at Sharmeen place, for her sis's day. The indian homemade food was good!


Now, Back to being In SG!
I'm SooO happy to be home! Yes, i truely am. The feeling cannot be described when u here those words when the plane touches down: 'For those coming back to Singapore, Welcome Home.' Woah. Really. I love the feeling of coming home. When u're home, u never wanna leave again. Somehow, i know my days home are limited. But i wanna treasure them as much as possible. Thats why i guess, i haven stayed home a single day yet. Graces and i lived up to our pact, Prata on the day i touchdown. I'm really happy to see her. Yes, no more the msn voice chat. Me and her, face to face.

The everyday packed activities are really something i've missed so much. I know when i wake, there will be someone i can call. Somewhere i can go when i'm bored. Thurs was filled with Swimming, visiting daddy, shirls's bday dinner & club at dblO. Fri was a precious day with Pauline, spending the day just talking with her and catching up over coffee, dinner and drinks! Sat was soO good, to see Pauline thru her 22nd bday at Acid Bar and meeting up old friends and finally getting to see ms-gonna-be-mrs.toh AHh.. i miss fion. and of course mahjong with my kahkees! I miss and its great. Sun is a day i won't forget in a lonNnng time. How long has it been, since all of us sat down together for a good dinner? 8 on Greenwood had done it for us. And Eski Bar @ Holland.V for the footie match thereafter? There's nothing much that could top that night. A grp of 14 ppl, sitting there, enjoying drinks and the match. The familiar company ard me. Feels so comfortable that i never wanna leave again.


Our dblO madness night.


Shirls' Bday dinner


Ma Darling's Pauline turns 22 @ Acid Bar

I wanna seal myself in this life. This life that i'm loving right now. Everything is in the right place. Something i love, Something i had missed, Something i'm glad i have.



Gosh, this day has finally drawn. My Last Paper in like 8hrs time.
Getting a tad bit scared about it! arg!

Anyways, i'll reflect my time of brissy once i'm back in sg. Or perhaps i cld do it on the plane since there's 8hrs to kill. But then again.. i think i'll be a lamebrain and watch movies and play games until i sleep. Haa.

Got loads of packing to do tonite. Time to take down all the 'posters' on the walls. Damm i'm sad to see them down. In 24hrs time, i'll be freaking rushing my head off and trying to pack. Thats one i know for sure.

Looking forward to dinner at home tonite with mates! Toodles! My fearful paper is here! ARG!



I feel drained. all of a sudden, the only thing i want to do is sleep away. My brain no longer is able to focus. Everything is becoming so woozy.

The last weekend of this semester was spent with the girls. These girls whom i've shared the past 4mths with, living together, having wheels of laughter and thoughts aloud. I'm so gonna miss them badly. Most esp Shury, a dear dear friend i've lost contact when we splitted ways aft IJ, now i've found her back, and we've 'connected' again. She's just been wheels of fun and we rekindled the friendship we once lost. She's a friend for life, one that fate is telling us indirectly that we're meant to stay friends for this lifetime. Similarities, we've had many, clubbing, drinking, studying, partner. Gosh i shall miss her badly. As for Eunice, I know i'll miss her pampering of coffees and desserts, as well as the occassional: 'what do u wan to eat? i cook for u.' Me sitting on the steps watching her prep/cook my dinner. I've shared a bond with these girls, for life. I'm glad we managed to spend my last sat of this sem, just the 3 of us, with wine, chips and fruits, chatting away. A pleasent memory.

It seems so that because i know i'll miss them, i don't feel like going back home for hols. That i wanna spend more time with them. Its weird how we clicked and the depth increases towards the end of the sem. Who knows my crazy personality, i might just do that and tell mom i don't wanna go home and stay here instead.

Reflecting back, this semester has taught me about human personalities. The depth of it surfacing becuz of Geri. I know it was her that triggered it. I've become a much more cynical person, cuz i've learnt to see things from a tad more different perspective.

Perhaps when we next chat, u'll know that then. I've changed, become stronger perhaps. I no longer envy when looking at friends blogs and wanting to be there partying and eating away. Surprisingly, clubbing no longer interests me that greatly. I think i've reached a point in life where i'm learning to slow down, to appreciate life as it is. To take things slowly, an aussie characteristic i've cultured. Thats why, if/when i become an aus PR, i'll likely move down to sydney, who knows, Shury and i will become flatmates again. Haa...

For now, i just wanna sleep. My woozy brain is doing me no good for my last paper. I'll complain soon. Toodles...



Marketing down, 1 more to go. The most worried paper of all - Biz Policy. The most fearful one of all!

Something went wrong with me today after Marketing paper.

I JUST WENT BERSERK!

I tot i'll be tired when i got home, but NooOoooOoo...
Little Ol' Me decided to do a cleaning spree and i really mean CLEANING SPREE!
I did AllLLllll my laundry today.
Changed and wash my bedsheets and blankets etc.
Unpack all the paper bags lying around.
Cleared and re-file all my notes for this and previous semester.
Packed the clothes i'm bringing back.
Pack the unwanted toiletries.
And to top it off... I washed the WHOLE bathroom!

I think if it wasn't because the sun is setting now, i would have gone and cleaned the whole kitchen and living area.

I seriously think i've just gone mad. Like something in me just 'click'.
Anyways, i just realised, both my hands are getting quite rough, did toooOo much washing of dishes and the dishing washing liquid ain't doing it good.

Man, i soOo need a Mani now. I think a good Parafin session would do this precious hands good.

Alrighty... tooDles for now... off the Shameen's place for a birthday party. Its gonna be drinking tonite. YiPps!



An estimated 3.5hrs to my next paper: International Marketing.

I'm not prepared well for the paper, seriously been slacking off for this one, mindset for this is all knowledge + crapping attitude. I'm sooO horrid. I can't believe myself having such an attitude for this paper. Perhaps its cuz i'm sitting on a distinction based on my current 50% for this subject, so i've become a ya-ya-payaya for it. And i still cld stand there and chitchat with eunice last nite. God. I hope i don't get my retribution like that.

[God, if u're hearing this: I did put in effort while studying, i have tried to memorise and stuck it in my brain, but it just won't stick]

Well, i've got like 2 hrs now to do my last lap of revision for this. The next paper, no way i can't play ard. That one, (as eunice puts it) Terror! Why the hell do they havta put that subject the last. But then again, i'm not complaining. At least i have time to properly mug for that paper.

This sem, i've done one of my longest mugging sessions, serious focus on studies. *thank god for geri's influence* Can't believe i did 11am-2.30am mugging in uni, in that blasted chamberlain room! Next sem, i hope to have this kinda mugging partners! *cross-my-fingers*

Oh and ppl, i have made a decision. I will be extending my studies in aus, for another semester, for a dual major. Thus would make my entire education 2yrs instead of 1.5yrs. And to that, since its 2yrs, i will be applying for PR in australia. If so, i'll not be returning to sg after my studies for 2 yrs thereafter. I know, i know, quite an impact. I've been sitting on this for a quite a few days already. Mummy has been pretty supportive of my decision. So i've decided to go ahead with it. No more pondering ard and stuff. I wanna do this. For myself. A step out, cuz its time.

This hols back to sg, i need to treasure it. For according to my plans above, after this hols, i won't be returning to sg for another 3yrs after this july. I'm gonna do summer sch, which means for that 3 mths break, i'm not gg back to sg. Then u can really call me an aussie girl. *hee*

alrighty, back to the books!



A sudden feeling of 'down-ness'
I'm feeling lost.
Life's no more fun.
I feel as though i'm shut away from the world.
Everyone ard me is having fun.

As it is, life now for me is all about aus.
The only connection back in sg these days is my mom.

I hate this feeling,
i no longer feel excited to be gg back home.
Cuz it seems like there's nothing for me to go back to.
Why does it feel this way?

I'm confusing myself.
One moment up, the next moment down.
The complications of human feelings.



Not much time to blog.
Been busy mugging.
2 papers down, 2 more to go.
Don't like the previous 2, bad feeling about it.
Remaining 2: Aiming for distinction for both at least.

Besides that, all the mental to-do notes in my brain is killing me.
So much stuff to do before i head home for hols.

Down and it, hols is looking good for me.
Its just 7days more til sg.
Oh and btw, i'll be away from s'pore from the 8th july til 15th july.
Taking a break with mummy before i come back to brissy.
One of our shopping trips. YipPps!

Another decision riding on my mind is the conversation to dual-degree, in finance.
That wld mean another 1 more sem on top the following one i have.
Still thinking and decisions gotta be made soon.
My head's exploding on top of all the infomation.

The other day, had a thought, not to go back for hols.
To stay here and enjoy my time.
Life is in balance for me now here.
Friends and family and studies, all's well.
Its a point like this that i don't wanna leave.

Maybe i shd stay in aus.
Could always go Cairns with Eunice.
Or down to melb to visit howe.
Or sydney to visit my aunt lisa.
If not, i could do a long trip with ju ard aus in 3 states.
I don't know.
Don't think its too late to change my decision.
Shall sleep on it for a while.



World Cup has arrived!

I soOo wanNa catch the 1st match, but i know i can't (focus on exams des! FOCUS!)

Out goes everything and all the male testosterone will be geared up only for the football matches. Say goodbye to clubbing nites for many, the bars will have big projector screen tvs for 1 main purpose, the footie matches. For this yr, surprisingly, i'm caught up in it, (influences of my friends ard.) Haa.. Daddy's started his betting craze already and i know mummy starting to get pissed. (But she's got her car for now, so i guess this yr she'll be tamed down a bit.)

I'm so glad i'll be back in sg when the finals are being played. My bet always: Brazil. I don't support China nor Korea nor Japan. My opinion: they suck. Haa.

During the final match, its known that half the world will stop its tracks to watch the game. I'm gonna be part of that. Me, gonna be spending loads of time with daddy in front of the TV. Our SK hse, (the huge TV is a big factor.) Soo, July 9th, 2am. I'm glued to the TV. Have this feeling, half the men won't turn up to work on Monday morning. Hmm.. I think s'pore shd call it a public holiday, bet majority will be unproductive except for the i-can't-be-bothered aunties in the corner. Hee.

toodles, back to the books!



Its past my b'day officially (regardless of which either country location).
Time to remember the day.


Of course, not forgetting the 'rain' of birthday sms, testis and taggies. Love you all! Thank you! My life won't be the same without meeting all of ya'll. In many different ways, all of u have been there for me and made me who i am.

LOVE!

ps: photos later. Shall properly photoshop before posting it up! Back to the books!



Happy Birthday To Me.

I'm Officially an Ol' Bitch.
*blueh*

Thanks u peeps for all the sms, msn and email wishes! *mucks* LOVE!

Back to Studying... *urg!*



all of a sudden, emotions just washed over me.
i really ache to be back home.
i can't help but become a weakling.
tears well up.
i know there's no remedy but to console myself.
i know this is a test, a hurdle in life i have to push through it.
but i cannot stop the sadness from building up.
to know that tmr, i'll be all alone.
to know that for once in my life, i don't look forward to tmr coming.
thats it, i really am feeling unwanted, uncherished and for that little bit unloved.



i'm feeling v. tired.
giving up and sleeping away doesn't solve it.
why can't life be simpler.
i hate all this enclosed human relations.
fuck.




The past 4 days of studying with ppl, made me realise many things. Made me so acutely aware how much i miss the friends back home and made me understand myself so much more. I have to admit, Shury and Geri are great ppl, fun-loving on the whole. But deep down, our values are so much of a difference, at least to me. I don't like friendships whereby i have to keep going through comments in my mind before speaking out loud. I have to run through my thoughts and imagine what they will think of my comments before saying it. If so, what kinda friends are they. Definately one thing i know for such - not gonna be a close friend of mine.

I am seriously disguested with the way they bitch about other ppl, behind their backs, but on the forefront, they act like there's no problem with the party and everything's great. Whereas, behind, bitching about it at such measures. And when i ask: 'since u don't the person so much, how come u still hang out with them?' The answer i get back is: 'no, he/she is ok overall, just that i don't like....' I mean, come on lor, if u think the person is ok overall, STOP THE EXTREME BITCHNESS. I don't think they have any idea how much the bitching has gone to, and how much it gives ppl the impression that they don't like the person at all! Fuck the bitchness. Close friends don't do that to eat other.

Another thing i really don't like: is how much they take advantage of other ppl. Granted yes, Eunice did say that next time when we come home so late from uni, we shd just call her to come pick us up. Reject her once, but she insist, then accept? Don't they feel paiseh? And need they go to the extreme of asking her to come at 2.30am? I feel its freaking inconsiderate. And when i said it out, i got shot back with the comment that Eunice said nvm mah, its ok. I mean come on lor, she may be a friend and Shury's cousin, but don't need to be so guo fen rite? I feel damm bad about it. Moreover, she hinted that Aison has the car and asked him to send us home, they, freaking rejected it, because it wasn't the stipulated time agreed to leave! I really felt bad. Thats why i decided, tmr, i shall stay home and study. On one hand, it because i need to read out loud when memorising, on the other, i'll stay home to accompany Eunice.

I tot that Shury is the kind that she's basically only nice to friends she consider important ard her, but actually, its not. I could see how much Eunice has done things for her and see no reciprocal from Shury. When talked about it today, Shury even can comment that she knows herself that she's not a nice person! I mean fuck lar, if u can say such a comment and know that someone is just being nice to u no matter what because u're blood-related, and live down with that then, i'm really quite disgusted. My Point of View.

I'm not the kind that likes to impose on ppl, so naturally, i think its very impolite and disgusting. But to them, i know if i were to say such things out, i'll get shot back with their point of view and comments. Soo i rather just shut up about it. Its points of time like this that i crave so much even more to be in the comfort of my friends and family. For ppl ard me that are there with no motives. I can't believe the amount of underlying motives ppl have ard here. Perhaps i'm simple-minded (to Geri, i think she knows/thinks that she's smarter and i'm quite stupid, WHATEVER), but i don't like all this shit. Seriously.

I SO WANNA GET AWAY! Its time like these that being alone is really a much better thing.



To Da Gang - Kh, Valen, Grace, Po, Chris, Alex, PeiPei, Weiling, Ah Boo, Glenn, Lav & Mimi.
THANK YOU!



For the gift i recieved. Yes, it was an absolute SURPRISE and nothing less. It brought me tears cuz i was SOoOo touched and had not expected it at all. For this thoughtful gift, i totally LOVE it! It brings a smile to my face as i wake up in the morning smelling flowers on my desk.
I MISS YOU PPL LOADS & LOADS!
*HEART*
My life just won't have been the same without ya'll. As it is, we all came so far together, knowing each other for SOOoOo Long! I'm glad to say that i've had friends like ya'll. For that, i'm thankful everyday.
Take Care Ppl, i know all of ya'll are so busy in ur own way.
Countdown, i'll be back in 17days time! Out goes the Pratas, Chomps, Clubs, Drinks, Mahjongs and everything in between! Haa.
-LOVE-

• Eunice & Shury - For the organisation of the house party on fri. I loved it. For all the peeps who came, the potluck was fantastic. A mini b'day cum end-of-assignments celebration. Thank u Ppl! Girls, the food i totally Love.
• For my ever sweet dear Pauline - I'm totally fine, its just the bugger of examinations as well as my sensitivity. On the overall i'm fine, its just some things and feelings. We'll need a good chomp & coffee session to talk about it. *hee*
• LiLing - Girl, i'm so sorry, haven really had much time to have a proper chat with u these few days. And i really miss that! We'll do one sometime this week ok?
• Graces - Guess what! that thing i've told u about sometime ago, the issue. Its solved. I just scared myself thats all. Nothing! *yipps*

I hate feeling this way.
Saying it seems so easy, doing it seems so hard.
I have my insecurities that seems to be magnified whenever i'm away.
I need to let go.
I have to constantly remind myself that i shdn't care.
I have to stop second guessing ppl.
In my space, i am myself.
Out of that, i become someone else.
I desperately wanna regain my confidence.
The confidence that seems to have been lost when i left.

As i walk in the cold,
i question.
What am i doing, what happened to me and what's with my life and mind.
Questions that formed without an answer.
I think, with thought that has beginnings but no end.
I'm tired. I truely am.
All i wan to do, is just to leave without worries.
But i can never do.

The hundred over pictures plastered on my walls, remind me of my good times.
The good times i reminise.
The good times i wan so badly.
Those are the days, where life has less worries and questions.
Where friendship is so true.
Unlike the many plastics i've met here.

Perhaps the girl who wanted so much to fly off then.
Shdn't have flown at all.
Its after her flight, that she realises how much she's meant to be at home.
Home where she's confident and comfortable.
Home where she's surrounded by love.
A place where she truely belongs.



Surfing along. Found something that made me smile as i read.
A family of bloggers! (less the dad)
Individual blogs of a mom and her four kids (2girl, 2boys)
Totally interesting and made me laugh reading the mom's blog vs her kids.
(nte: her kids are acutally in their late secondary sch age and up!)
Wanna know the weblink to read? Ask me, and perhaps i'll tell.
*being coy* for what-the-heck reason? Don't know, just the mood. Hee.

life's a bitch, but embrace the bitch and you'll find it to be an angel
love it, don't abuse it

Desiree, aka Jenn or Jean.
coffee lover. spike me up with some peach martini & lychee daquri. secretly indulgences in hk drama serials. hearts pretty nails. absolute shoe whore.

Andronica
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