_* Acutely Aware *_
- Wednesday, June 07, 2006 / 12:53 am.
The past 4 days of studying with ppl, made me realise many things. Made me so acutely aware how much i miss the friends back home and made me understand myself so much more. I have to admit, Shury and Geri are great ppl, fun-loving on the whole. But deep down, our values are so much of a difference, at least to me. I don't like friendships whereby i have to keep going through comments in my mind before speaking out loud. I have to run through my thoughts and imagine what they will think of my comments before saying it. If so, what kinda friends are they. Definately one thing i know for such - not gonna be a close friend of mine.
I am seriously disguested with the way they bitch about other ppl, behind their backs, but on the forefront, they act like there's no problem with the party and everything's great. Whereas, behind, bitching about it at such measures. And when i ask: 'since u don't the person so much, how come u still hang out with them?' The answer i get back is: 'no, he/she is ok overall, just that i don't like....' I mean, come on lor, if u think the person is ok overall, STOP THE EXTREME BITCHNESS. I don't think they have any idea how much the bitching has gone to, and how much it gives ppl the impression that they don't like the person at all! Fuck the bitchness. Close friends don't do that to eat other.
Another thing i really don't like: is how much they take advantage of other ppl. Granted yes, Eunice did say that next time when we come home so late from uni, we shd just call her to come pick us up. Reject her once, but she insist, then accept? Don't they feel paiseh? And need they go to the extreme of asking her to come at 2.30am? I feel its freaking inconsiderate. And when i said it out, i got shot back with the comment that Eunice said nvm mah, its ok. I mean come on lor, she may be a friend and Shury's cousin, but don't need to be so guo fen rite? I feel damm bad about it. Moreover, she hinted that Aison has the car and asked him to send us home, they, freaking rejected it, because it wasn't the stipulated time agreed to leave! I really felt bad. Thats why i decided, tmr, i shall stay home and study. On one hand, it because i need to read out loud when memorising, on the other, i'll stay home to accompany Eunice.
I tot that Shury is the kind that she's basically only nice to friends she consider important ard her, but actually, its not. I could see how much Eunice has done things for her and see no reciprocal from Shury. When talked about it today, Shury even can comment that she knows herself that she's not a nice person! I mean fuck lar, if u can say such a comment and know that someone is just being nice to u no matter what because u're blood-related, and live down with that then, i'm really quite disgusted. My Point of View.
I'm not the kind that likes to impose on ppl, so naturally, i think its very impolite and disgusting. But to them, i know if i were to say such things out, i'll get shot back with their point of view and comments. Soo i rather just shut up about it. Its points of time like this that i crave so much even more to be in the comfort of my friends and family. For ppl ard me that are there with no motives. I can't believe the amount of underlying motives ppl have ard here. Perhaps i'm simple-minded (to Geri, i think she knows/thinks that she's smarter and i'm quite stupid, WHATEVER), but i don't like all this shit. Seriously.
I SO WANNA GET AWAY! Its time like these that being alone is really a much better thing.