Yes, i call myself a bummer now.
But my darlings tell me i can't bum for long.
Cuz, the more i bum ard, it seems the more senile i'm becoming.

I can sit there, talking to them and suddenly lose my trail of thoughts.
Stare off into thin air and everything goes blank.
Literally.

We've concocted up a plan.
To get me back my PT job.
Hopefully it would work.
But Kelvin's on leave now, so i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

That said though, my plan isn't all that untrue.
I am really considering heading off for masters next yr.
US of A is my destination, this time round.
But thou shall see.
I need to do more research.

I'd have to admit though, since i've returned, life's been a buzz for me.
Yes, i have spent a handful of days being an absolute pig.
Sleeping, eating and watching TV.
But on the other hand, most of the days are spent with the parents.
Dinners, Walking ard.
Its a nice feeling.

Meeting up ol' friends are good as well.
My darlings of course the most often.
As Jo says: 'i'll see u within 2 days.'
Ol' aussie mates as well.
The coffees, dinners/lunches.

Sigh.
Funds are running low.
I need to get a job asap.
The mom has targetted her next bday prez.
I'd have to dig into my savings again.
Terrible, Horrible, Incorrigible Me.
There's so many things i wanna do.
Jia's mentioned Bangkok next mth.
Then the parents have announced that they're gonna be outta town fron dec 22 to jan 3.
I'm asked to make the decision to join them in Penang for visiting the relatives.
The aussie mates have planned a road trip up m'sia in Jan.
The Dad says Mauritius for CNY.
Then i think its Taiwan in Mar.
And finally US of A with Boo in Oct.

Die Die Die.
I need a sugar daddy.
How am i ever gonna partake all the above with my ever-decreasing state.
ARG!.

Money Money, Wo Ai Ni.
Haaaa....

(being an absolute idiot.)



Summary
Your responses indicate that you are a very friendly, warm, and calm individual You use persuasion to influence people and do not make unnecessary demands upon them. If you are called upon to delegate both authority and details, you do so with ease. When you are dealing with an idea or project, you prefer to focus on its overall substance rather than on its specific details. Too much structure or too many rules is not appealing to you. Since you enjoy interacting with people, it follows that you are highly effective in activities involving them.

Communication Style
You have strong social skills and are excellent at quickly establishing rapport. You enjoy talking to people and do so with enthusiasm and spontaneity. Your style of fast, lively expression is both engaging and effective. You are a fluent speaker who expresses thoughts quickly, optimistically, and persuasively. Also, you respond to people with flexibility and open-mindedness. You relay a tone that is uninhibited, creative, and, at times, quite independent. You enjoy talking and can put people at ease. You use a fun, indirect style of communication. You are people-oriented and can easily relate with another person's point of view. You are a natural team player. You readily delegate authority, and you embrace training. You do not care to be involved with too many technical details. You let others set game plans, priorities and time frames. You function well when you are allowed a lot of people-interaction. You would rather talk about details than write them down. You enjoy being the focus of attention.

Leadership Style
Leadership Style: Persuasive
You perform your leadership role by using your fine ability to interpret people's actions and dialogue, and then by persuading them to do things your way. You like to build team spirit and rely upon team decisions. You develop your subordinates, and you delegate both authority and details. You actively promote change and like to find new ways of reaching goals.

Conscientiousness
Your personal style tends to be somewhat easy-going and relaxed. You do your best work on tasks that you enjoy, but you may be able to sustain an adequate degree of effort when it comes to essential tasks. You may or may not be concerned about extremely high levels of achievement. You like to maintain a balance between work and relaxation. You may apply positive motivation for consensus-building work activities, but maintaining focus on bottom-line results may be a challenge for you.

Motivational Needs
You tend to be motivated by a great deal of interaction with people, and by identifying with a prestigious organization with a good public image. You desire opportunities to make more money for yourself, or to improve your status within the organization. You are motivated by praise, public recognition, and by acceptance. You are most productive when working as a team player, and when you are liked by others.

You tend to be demotivated if your territory or opportunity is reduced in size, or if you are not allowed a significant amount of people-interaction or teamwork. Insufficient recognition from management and/or peers can also affect your motivation. You can be demotivated by a perception of not being personally liked, and by not being invited to meetings with peers.

Primary Motivators
• A lot of interaction with people.
• Meeting new people and making friends.
• Opportunities to make more money and improve status.
• Being a team player within the organization.
• Praise and public recognition.
• Identifying with an organization that has prestige and a good public image.
• Awareness of what is going on in the organization.
• Acceptance and being liked by others.

Primary Demotivators
• You perceive you are not liked.
• You are not invited into meetings with your peers.
• Your territory, (opportunity) is reduced in size.
• You feel you are not part of the team.
• You do not have enough people contact.

Emotional Intelligence
Your responses indicate that you tend to understand the emotional makeup of others, and to accurately sense what other people are feeling. In addition, you are able to attune your own style to the emotional reactions of others. Because you find it easy to see the world from another person's perspective, it is likely that you associate with a diverse group of people.

Ok since the news has been spilled.
I don't find it a point to keep it quiet anymore.

Yes, i'm back in sg for good.
Homeground.

The family has been well-recieving.
The delight in my parent's eyes cannot be hidden.
The aunts are happy hearing my laughter and tease.
I enjoy the family time emmersely.

On the friends forefront though.
Well. Things didn't go as planned i guess.

Perhaps i should state the reason that i want my return to be quiet.
I don't like to reject people.
You all out there should know, i usually Onz.
But the thing is, this time round, i don't want to go partying like i used to.
The following days until month end is critical for me.
Call me superstitious or whatever.
But until my results are released, i don'twant to jinx it.
So no partying or enjoying like i used to.
Which most importantly means, no mahjong.
So rather than my friends knowing/asking and me rejecting them thereafter.
I've preferred if they did not know.

Yes, it may be weird to feel this way.
But i am feeling a tad bit guilty for returning so soon.
When i shd be staying in brissy awaiting for my results.
Should its not go well, (touchwood), it means that i'll have to fly back to bris for supp.
And that is not what i want.
So until then, keeping a low profile is my ideal.

If i've offended any friends in any way,
I apologise.
But i hope my decision will be respected.

I will call u all out for dinner.
Sometime.
But for now, its my time to recollect myself.
To adjust back to singapore.

I'm sitting in a state of emotional and unstability.
Unsure of whats to come.
What am i to do.
I have a burden riding on me.
So now, i'm taking time aside to think and plan.

The parents have spoken to me last nite.
Expressing an option to me.
For furthur studies now, to the USA for my masters.
A shock to me to realise that my parents are keen on me going away so soon.
But i understand where my mom is coming from.
Moreover for the fact that couzzie's now based in SFO, and the aunt's there.

A timeframe of 1mth is given to me to decide.
Perhaps i will.

Its time to sit and decide my next path in life.



Things no longer are the way they were.
Whatever i've predicted came through.

To you, it may feel like nothing.
No changes and keeping such a request quiet is no biggie.
But to me it is.

I do things for a reason.
You may not understand what the reason is.
But it is my reason.
I expect some form of respect for that.
But the way you acted nonchalent about it.
Made me realise how disrespected my decisions are.

The past 4mths had made me realise so much about friendships.
Those who matter and those who didn't.
Those who treasure me and those who don't.
I am sick, of always being the one who gives a damm.
So now i don't bother.

Over this period of time, I've learnt that little gestures goes a long way.
Some friendships remain strong despite the distance.
But some, dwindle down til its lost its exsistence.
So for those that were gone, i shall let it be.
It may sound brutel, but why should i even bother anymore.

Understand that i'm not longer whom i am.
The last semester had affirmed the changes, the feelings.
Its time to move to new ground.
Friends whom doesn't make me feel as though the little things i say, don't matter.
Those who don't brush away or disrespect me.

You may say that it wasn't on purpose.
But so what? As i've said, little gestures goes a long way.
This is what i call a little gesture of respect.

Its time to close the books for some stories.
To alter the level of difficulty.
For some, its time for volume 2.



Been grinning like an idiot ever since exams ended.
Friends ard have told me that the happiness is bursting out.

The past few post-exams celebs have been over the moon.
Dinners, Lunches, Shopping Sprees and KTV.
WHOOT!

Today will be even better.
YIPEE!





Something special happened today.
A little dreamy of me,
But the coincidence made me feel like God up there has been listening to me closely.

In the celebration of my exams end,
Nursey Joycelyn decided to take me out for a much needed catchup over lunch.
There we sat in Hogs' Breadth with our steak,
When the talk of the weather came about.
Just as after I said: 'man, its so freaking hot, i wished it will pour.'

Ta-Da!

Outside it really started to do so.
Against the glass windows, i glued my face.
5 stories high, i could see the extreme pour.
Then something hit the glass,
Something was a tad harder than the ol' raindrops!
That's when Nurse exclaimed: 'Its Hail!'

My First HailStorm!!!
Ice-Pouring down!
I Finally get to see it.
Been complaining that i missed last yr's cuz i came in second sem.
And just as i'm about to go home.
IT FINALLY HAILED!

Despite the spring season, hot weather and the impossibility.
Ice really came down.
Man that was great, although just 5mins, but it was good.

My 1st HailStorm.
Whoot!

Today is just a pure feel good day.
A day that i couldn't get the grin off my face.
I conclude: Exam is over.
Lunch with Joycelyn was great.
Dinner with the hsemates and friends were fantastic.
*smuckers to Hogs' Breadth & Salt N' Battery*
Most of all, the sitting/standing ard talking and teasing was most bonding.
Loves!



Saying goodbye is never easy.
It always comes with loads of tears and sadness.
The heart sinks knowing that it will miss.
Everything that it has gone through.

BBBBBUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTT!

This goodbye comes with Happiness Filled.
No Tears, No Sadness.
Of pure smiles and joy.

Goodbye to:
The scribbling of notes.
The strains of listening to the lectures.
The huddles over the exam papers.
The non-stop-weird-3am-wake-up Mugging.
The Torture of doing research.
The Fear of pushing the assignments through the slot.
The pours over books.
The library sitting and copying.
The cramming of info into the brain.
The memorising.
The understanding.
The crapping through the assignments and exams.
The pharaphrasing of sentences.
The Referencing.
The rushing for classes.

1.5yrs ago, i came, fearful of whats to come, what to expect.
Today i stand, the time flashed past.
Here i am, calling myself a soon-to-be-graduate.

That said, my path of the bachelor degres soon-to-be over.
I know in me, i will never say goodbye to studying for real.
It is to be expected, a few yrs down the road,
I will do my masters.
How cool will it be, to be a master's grad then.
*grinz*

For now, i'm just relieving in the moment of being an OFFICIAL bummer.

hiakus.




The latest Grey's got me thinking.

How do we define what attributes are male and what are female?

Olden days define 'being man' as brave, courageous, egolistic, insensitive etc.
Being female would be demure, passive, softness etc.

Hofstede defines Masculinity as cultures that value competitiveness, assertiveness, ambition and the accumulation of wealth and material possessions, where on the other hand, Femininity as cultures that place more value on relationship and quality of life.

Modern era has conjured everything all over.
The result is a combination of gay, butch, lesbian.
That on top of the traditional straights.

So now, how do we actually define male attributes and female attributes?

Will the olden male attributes become the future female characteristics?
And the olden female attributes become the future male characteristics?

Who will ever know?
HmMm..



Extremely sick and tired of studying.
Feel like giving up.
Seriously.
Its getting freaking depressing, i HATE long breaks in between papers.

Its as though its a holiday after the 3rd, but its not actually.
I'm the kind, once i've rest and lax off, it takes me FOREVER to get the mood back.
Feel like throwing my last outta the window.
But i know i can't.

I guess times calls for drastic measures.
I can't stay at home no more.
3days since i've got outta my home.
So its time to head to uni tmr.
Sigh.

Bad to worse i am getting.



Have you ever caught yourself:

• Grinning unknowingly at thoughts that pop up while you're just standing there cooking? Thoughts that send ur mind to trigger a smile at the sweet or happy memory. And to shake urself awake thereafter?
• Thinking about ur previous embarassing moments. Points of time when u want to smack yourself for acting/doing things that were quite so silly to others whom were looking on. Shaking ur head to that "oh-my-god-why-did-i-react-or-did-it-like-that". And then u send a signal to ur brain NOT to think about it anymore, but it keeps flowing back until something new comes to mind.
  
• Studying and looking at ur books, but the mind suddenly wonders off and nags at ur about the other things that you should have done or the KIVs/Mental
  

Yupz, thats just me of late.
Goes to show how short an attention span i have huh?!?

*grinz*









I've concluded that i CANNOT step into the city anymore.
Just a mere walking through can cause my atm card harm.
Bad bad harm.
Damage today: $120

Initally i thought i won't even get into queen st mall.
Boy was i wrong.
Met some aussie friends for lunch today.
Tot we'll be gg to somewhere else other than the city.
But just as i got into Rach's car she goes: lets have Hanachi
Faint. Alarm went off in my head.
Cuz Hanachi is right in the mall.

Lunch ended up at JoJo's instead.
Which is even worse, cuz its right smack in the middle of all action.
Down the escalator we go after lunch and 1st thing we see is Supre to our right.
Then come the decision one of us was gonna say, but Kate said it: "Lets go in!"
Man. Evil i tell u. EVIL!
There i went, blowing bucks away at Supre again.
I can never get in and outta that store empty-handed.
URK!
Up and down we walked and shopped until I said its enough.

The mates are going partying tonite.
But i've decided not to go.
Its bad enough that i'm shopping when i'm not suppose to,
I can't make it worse by gg drinking too.
Shall leave that til after exams.

Time to hit the books.
Need to work off my guilt before my sleep.
*_*




180 degrees change of mood.
1 reason: retail theraphy.
Yes my friends, i've been out shopping.
Blowing money away, buying and buying.

2 days worth of retail did me good.
Spent an estimated 350bucks, but i'm still not satisfied.
Cuz i didn't manage to cover all the places.
I can't seem to get enough.
Like there's always more and more things to buy.
As it is, i'm already having problems bringing my stuff back,
but i'm still not bothering and going for it.
BAHAA!
Bottom line: Retail theraphy is temporary happiness.

Ok, call me terrible, but i did a count last nite of all the stuff i've bought
Even new clothes sufficient for 15 days of CNY
Undergarments included.
HAA! I think i've changed my whole warerobe since i've came back.
Norm clothes worn these days were all bought within this sem.
Gosh, i am bad.

Besides that, the other dept that went up in quantity is accessories.
I came with 1 box of it from sg.
Now i'm going back with 3 boxes.
YIKES!
Which means, all thats left is a new bag (which i already know which one)
and importantly: SHOES!
*grinz* i saw a couple i like, maybe i shall do shop tmr again. Haa.

I sure hope my mom's not gonna ask so much questions bout my stuff.
She'll definately blow if she sees the amt of stuff i have.
And to top it, i've been doing some online shopping.
I think once i'm back in sg, it no more shopping for 6mths
Seriously.

As per what Graces have been saying:
Save your money.
I think i'll be in deep shit/debt when i go US of A.
Think about it: I'm already crazy in Aus.
Its gonna be like 10times worse in the land of great shopping.
Die Die Die.

*blah*



I've finally lost it.
The point of sanity.
I don't care, I can't be bothered, I feel like puking.

So this is what it feels like,
To really hit a mental bloc.
The heck care attitude,

Whatever happens, happens.
I can't prevent it, i can't save it.
So why bother.

Fuck it. I hate the in-between papers period.



The massive rain yest matched my mood.
Mother nature seems to know when to sun the shine.
Just as the papers of mine ended.

Now, both the papers were endless.
Worried they made me.
For i wrote until my hand cramped & i still cldn't finish.
The bugger Williams had to put in things that one does not know!

Ah, forget it, its all over.
But i'd have to say, for both, i have my fair share of surprises.

The run did me good, cold weather blowing in my face.
A long while since i've done that to clear my head.
Pampering is a girl's necessity, i'd say.
Concuss quite promply after dinner, 8pm!
But the sleep was not w/o its usual intervales.
The mom, the housemate and friends.
But all's good, cuz i had a good rest thereafter.

Sucky boshu, now its off to 3303.
Faint.



2 hrs to my 1st paper.
Some rants i need to blast out.

• Bad 6hrs nap. Thanks to my inconsiderate hsemate who came home at 2.15am and doesn't know how to close the gate properly. Attempts to lock it fails time and time again becuz all he does is bang it against the clasp. GRR!

• 2 papers on the same day is fucking tiring. I don't know how to study, til now, i still am struggling to remember all the concepts of pdt & brand. I wonder if i remember to apply them.

• Steve williams needs to get his head checked. Exam today and the report has not been released. Shit him. For setting the exam weightage at 70%. He needs to freaking update his lec notes as well. S'pore pop is 2 million? He's living in the wrong decade. URK! Pissed off. Stingy old man that allows us to bring in only 1 sided A4 note. Boring ol' fart.
  

• Lastly, WHY DOES IT HAVE TO RAIN TODAY?!?!?! I need to walk to uni, AAAARRGGG! and wet before the exam. *sobx* This sucks. really.

Ok, got it out.
Now its off to shower, brekky then uni.
Wish me luck?



Something unexpected came in the post yesterday.
The handwriting was very familiar.
I smiled as i was opening the door.



Thank you my dear.
The suggestions, i will try. (except for point 1)
*grinz*

Talk soon!

||| [Current exam confidence level: Asia better than Pdt&Brand] |||



Into my brain the info goes,
Outta my brain the info went.
Give me 10mins and i will ask: 'huh'?

Juggling 2 subjects on the same day is a feat.
Fresh in ur mind, u need to know all info.
I should be accustomed to this.
Since its my 3rd time.
But it seems, this time's the worse?

Guess its the fear, cuz of the 70% weightage on one.
It sucks cuz the 10% for it, i didn't do well.
The remaining 20% is status unknown for now.
Conclusion: Asia = bullshit.
WHAT THE HELL DO I NEED TO KNOW THE DETAILED HISTORY FOR???
Imagine, this fucking subject has 13 countries.
This bonkers lecturer, has history going all the way to BC!
He is freaking mad and should go to the arts faculty instead.
What the hell is he doing teaching business?!?!
BEST! He doesn't give any tips for the finals.
Its freaking 13 countries!! He thinks his subject is the only one we're doing izzit?

Ok, vented of a bit of my anger.
Back to the (stingy) 1 page of notes writing.

*grumbles*

life's a bitch, but embrace the bitch and you'll find it to be an angel
love it, don't abuse it

Desiree, aka Jenn or Jean.
coffee lover. spike me up with some peach martini & lychee daquri. secretly indulgences in hk drama serials. hearts pretty nails. absolute shoe whore.

Andronica
Christine
Cynthia
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Graces
Ida
Isaiah
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