_* A Lack Of...*_
- Monday, March 19, 2007 / 3:57 am.
Of late, my thoughts seems to surround around myself.
An unsettled feeling, or specifically the feeling of non-satisfaction and unfufillment.
Of how empty my life has become.
I'd admit, i still have my materialistic superficial side.
The love for shopping will never die.
But, i've truely learnt that retail therapy is only momentary joy.
Each day i return home, one thought always rangs true.
Emptiness.
Perhaps its cuz i see my friends moving forth.
Be it on personal or career, everyone around me seems to be moving forward.
Whereas, here i am, standing still.
I've done a small part, taking measures to plug myself into something new.
But no matter what, i still am standing here.
Unmoving from the spot i landed upon nearly 5mths ago.
Where i am today, only i have myself to blame.
The feeling of emptiness, very much caused by myself.
A personal fear i've built.
A wall around me, to be specific.
I cannot seem to cross that hurdle.
See past that wall.
I've said words to comfort myself.
Excuses to tell others.
Put on a mask, declare everything a-ok.
I'm tired of doing so, tired of being 'fake'.
Somehow, it has become second-nature of myself to put a strong front.
I don't like to hear others nag.
I don't want others to see the weakness in me.
Human pride, i could blame.
Can i really start being true to myself?
Can i start filling the hole?
Will the emptiness ever fade away?
Unanswered questions, whose to answer them?